Bells are ringing...

Pin It Well...I get married in about 53 hours....It's so crazy that it is finally here. And although I am very excited to become Mrs. William Meguell Suell, and finally have My Day; some parts will be hard. Like when we are taking family pictures and my brother isn't there. It will not be right when the photographer asks for the brides immediate family to come up and it is only me and my sister....It's not right, there are supposed to be three of us.

I can just hear Shane telling me sex jokes or warning me about sex and trying to scare me. Or how he would tell Meguell something in a threatening yet loving way. (He can't help it I'm his little sister) But he would probably end up shaking his hand and telling him good luck; because hey we are getting married, he can't warn him not to have sex with me!! ha ha

I also looked forward to seeing my brother see me in my dress, because although Shane is a goof, he can be serious and I could almost imagine what he would say to me. There have been several times in my life when my brother has verbally told me how proud he was of me; and those are days that I cherish. I knew that my wedding day would be one of these, when he would tell me how proud he was of me and how beautiful I am, and I looked forward to that....But he won't be there to tell me.

And although it doesn't seem right deep down to be happy without him, I know that that is the only way he would have it. So, I am going to be happy and love on my future husband. But on my wedding day during this special time, I will think of my brother.

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My Big Brother

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On the night of November 3rd, as I sat at the Hardin-Simmons Computer lab lost in a world only concerned with my coming wedding; I had no idea what was occurring at that very moment in Gilmer, Texas merely around the corner from my home. At about 12:30am Meguell looked at his phone and told me my mom and Greg had called....almost instantly I started to get cold chills all over as he redialed to return the call. In that moment, I knew that something was wrong, because MY PARENTS are never awake that late when they have work the next day. I sat waiting, getting more and more nervous as he began to speak.... Meguell walked out of the lab and as I followed him I realized I did not want to hear what he was about to tell me!! Meguell had the calming look of concern and terror on his face as he listened to the phone, and I just stood shaking my head telling him no. As he hung up he told me stay calm, stay calm....I just told him to TELL ME!!! And I barely let him finish the words, "Your brother has been in an accident," when I began to freak out! I didn't know what to do!! I just began yelling and screaming and running and jumping! I had so many questions, so many concerns....I couldn't take it!

No not my brother, not my brother is all I could think. I just kept saying "Lord this cannot be happening....take it back, take it back...this isn't real!" None of it seemed right! Even as Meguell rushed me home, arriving at 6am to find two of my closest friends waiting with my family and crying with my mom; even as we went through the weekend with tons of family, people at our house all throughout the day, food and flowers being sent; even as I received cards of condolences, and as we all cried as we told his children; and even as we had his funeral and told him good bye, and even as we picked out the tombstone today; NONE OF THIS SEEMS RIGHT!

I have so many questions, but the biggest is "WHY??" He has three small children, why? He is such a good dad, why? He is such a good man, why? He is such a good brother, why? Why didn't he only get hurt? Why didn't he get a second chance? Why my big brother? Why did any of this happen?

As I look at those precious children, it just doesn't seem right. He was a good daddy, not one of those that has children then neglects them! He takes care of them, loves them, and adores them....And now these children who are totally in love with their daddy will grow up and not even know him. That is not fair!! It is not right to have to tell a two year old, a four year old, and a seven year old that their daddy is in heaven. Or to hear a little boy tell you, "My daddy was in a car wreck...My daddy's an angel." These are not supposed to be things a child has to say. He loved his children and took care of them, and now he has been taken from them!

Growing up I have always been the youngest of 3....but now there are only 2 of us. My brother was always my protector, I always knew he would take care of me, no matter what....but now he is not here for that. Someone stood in front of my sister and me and said "Wow yall are all grown up: Brittany is getting married and Cassey is having a baby..." and we both cried....the ending of that sentence is ...and Shane is dead. That is the first time I have written or said those words, it just doesn't seem right! And at such exciting times in his sisters lives! I know my big brother would have been so proud of me on my wedding day, and that he loved Meguell like I knew he would. And I know that my big brother would have made the best uncle in the world for my sister's baby: Noah Jeffery Shaw.

My big brother, Jeffery Shane Billingsley was an amazing man, a great brother, and the best father in the world.

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Going to the Chapel with NO REGRETS!

Pin It One thing that bothers me is when someone tells me I am going to regret my wedding... I understand that I could have a very simple wedding at a little church and spend barely any money but I also realize that in my ONE LIFETIME that this will be my ONE WEDDING EVER!! Therefore, I am going to make it as special as possible!

Meguell is the man of my dreams and our wedding is a celebration of our love for one another...and I want it to be as special as possible!!

Also, my wedding has been something I have thought about and dreamed about and had ideas prepared for at least half of my lifetime! Something I have looked forward to for a very long time!! Therefore, it is something I intend to make unforgettable!!

I am so excited about our wedding and I know Meguell is too...and I can honestly say that I believe we will have NO REGRETS after we are married! But will be able to look back on our wedding and smile and kiss one another with happiness knowing that that day was as special as we are to each other!!

I cannot wait for DECEMBER 19, 2009 when I become the wife of William Meguell Suell!!

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WEDDING BLISS...

Pin It So, I have been getting a ton done this week for my wedding!

First I went to the Summit Club yesterday and had a 2 hour meeting with the wedding coordinator there and planned mostly everything that they are involved in! I picked out the "linens" for our tables, the layout of the room and of the ceremony, and also I decided on a menu! It was a ton of fun and felt so good to get so much taken care of! I think our wedding is going to be beautiful!!

The only thing that was not great about yesterday was after I left the Summit when I got the final price list after all taxes/gratuities, etc. were added. I was seriously having heat flashes during the drive home. It was a little disturbing! But after talking to Meguell he calmed me down and reminded me that we only have one wedding EVER!! And it is supposed to be special! He told me not to worry it would all work out and be taken care of!! So I felt better, and this weekend we are really going to sit down and talk about our finances for this coming semester!!

O also I met with the DJ and payed the deposit on that!! So I am so excited that we will be having fun music!! One thing Meguell and I really want is for our wedding to be nice and elegant, but also FUN!! So I really hope people enjoy it and dance!!

Then this morning I met with a photographer!! Which I loved! We talked and had coffee for an hour!! It was great, she was so nice and really got me excited about our wedding...The only downfall, her prices!! Another OMG how can we do this. So this weekend we are also going to sit down and look at her and what she offers compared to others and try and make some decisions on our photographer!!

All in all though, except for all the money stuff this has been a successful few days! And has been so much fun! I keep reminding myself when I get stressed that I should stop and enjoy this, b/c this is the only wedding that I will ever plan in my life!! And it is something I have been dreaming of for my entire life!! ha ha so I am trying to make it as much fun as possible!! AND SO FAR I LOVE IT!

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A New Life

Pin It So....Last night I was driving home from Abilene and my sister called to chat...BUT my phone was going dead so I had to let her go. When I did she ended by saying ok bye Aunt Brittany...then hung up! At first I was like what then I just yelled SHUT UP!!! and could not stop saying o my goodness the whole ride home...You see what I got from this was that she was pregnant!! IIIIIII!!! huge news.

You see back last year she went to the doctor and found out that she had something (I can never remember the name) but this would make it very difficult for her to get pregnant! But when Nathan (Her Husband) Came home from Iraq in June they decided to start trying, but they figured it would be a long process of different things like medications, etc. that they would have to use for help! Well not so!! She took 5 pregnancy tests and one at the doctor and they were all POSITIVE!!

So on March 25, 2009 I am going to be an aunt again!! I love it!! One of the greatest joys in my life is being AUNT BRITTANY! but now its my sisters baby!!

Also, Meguell will become an uncle once we get married which is really exciting, but when this baby is born it will be even more exciting because he/she will grow up calling him Uncle Meguell while the other kids will have to start getting used to it....But actually by the looks of what they call him now it will be Uncle Guell....lol and I love it!!

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